Interview 4 - Debbie Montgomery

0:01 · Speaker 1 good morning, folks. It's great to see you. Over the last few weeks in our Story Bearers and Every Season series, we've been reminded time and again that in every season of life we can find ourselves facing various challenges. We've heard stories of learning to depend on God when life feels overwhelming. We've heard about walking through grief and discovering that God is near to the brokenhearted. And last week we reflected on the experience of longing and what it means to seek Christ above every desire, even while we continue to pray for good things. And today we come to our final story. There's something deeply challenging about loving someone and realizing that you cannot control the journey that they take.

0:51 · Speaker 1 You want to protect them, you want to make things better, you want to spur them pain. And yet there comes a point where love requires us to let go of the illusion of control and learn to trust God. And perhaps nowhere is that more evident than in the realm of parenting. From the moment our children enter our lives, we have this natural instinct that we want to protect them, guide them, help them to make wise choices, shield them from pain, and give them every opportunity to flourish into the people that we hope and desire them to become. We carry their hopes and dreams. We imagine what their future might look like. And somewhere along the way, many of us quietly begin to believe if we do all the right things, life will unfold as we hoped. And then life has this way of reminding us that parenting doesn't come with guarantees.

1:52 · Speaker 1 Children grow into their own people. They make their own decisions. They experience struggles that we can't shield them from. And sometimes they choose pathways we would never have chosen for them the journey on. And in the middle of loving, guiding, praying, worrying, helping and hoping, many parents carry a quiet question and that is, how do I trust God with the people I love the most? And of course, this isn't only about parenting. Whether you're a parent, a grandparent, a husband, a wife, a sibling, a good friend to someone, most of us know what it feels like to carry someone in our hearts, to care deeply, to love someone, to long for them to flourish, to worry about the decisions they're making, to wish we could fix what is beyond our control. And today's conversation speaks into that reality.

2:57 · Speaker 1 It's about the tension between love and control, between guidance and surrender, between faithfully loving those entrusted to us while recognising that ultimately they belong to God. So we're going to hear from Debbie Montgomery this morning and we're going to hear her story, part of her journey as a parent. And we're just thankful for her willingness to come and do that. So why don't you give her a warm welcome as she joins us now. Well, welcome, Debbie.

3:42 · Speaker 2 Thank you. Round 2.

3:43 · Speaker 1 Round 2 indeed. Round 2. If it goes as well as round one, we'll be fine. Nothing to worry about at all. Why don't you introduce yourself to us and tell us a little bit about your family?

3:54 · Speaker 2 So as you've heard, I'm Debbie. I am married to Monty. Many of you will know, and if you don't know him, he's the one who usually turns up in church in his motorbike gear, much to my despair. And we've been married coming up on 31 years. And about five years after that, James arrived and he is 26 today, actually. It's his birthday. And he has just finished second year at the Irish Baptist College. And three years later, along came Emma, and she's currently living and working in Cardiff as a physio.

4:29 · Speaker 2 So we've been coming to Glen Abbey for about 30 years or so, and the kids grew up here in church.

4:37 · Speaker 1 Okay, well, maybe we could start off with you sharing a little bit about the joys of parenting. There are joys, I hear, but tell us about that.

4:46 · Speaker 2 Think back a long time. And I think I said at first service, apologies to all you frazzled primary school, parents of primary school-aged children, because it's very easy to look back through rose-tinted glasses. But I remember those years very fondly. Beach days, crab fishing, curled up watching our film, meat and pizza. The children were generally happy to go to church and school. and they were tucked up safely in their bed at night. And it was lovely seeing their wee personalities develop, and of course she had hopes and dreams for them. If they were here, however, they always like to remind me there's a particular bend in our road where apparently that that's where I used to apologise.

5:36 · Speaker 2 Well, they would say most, I would say some mornings for shouting at them on the way out to school. But they were very different in nature as well. They grew up in a time of the naughty seat. So we put James on the naughty seat. It was the worst thing you could have done for him. He just howled. Whereas Emma would have come and told you, Emma waited the naughty seat and you kind of had to work out what exactly it was that she'd done.

6:05 · Speaker 1 So at what point did parenting become, let's say, more emotionally difficult and challenging for you?

6:12 · Speaker 2 So I do have James's permission to share this morning and he has been open about the struggles that he faced and he has given his testimony in other places. But early on in his high school years he began to be quite anxious about school and you know some of that was quite understandable at that time. But over time it just became more pervasive and he didn't want to go to school, he didn't want to go to extracurricular stuff, he didn't want to come to church and even didn't really want to meet up with his friends. And over time he found it quite hard to manage how he was feeling and probably the best way to put that was that he developed some very unhealthy ways of managing that. And many kids experienced that, but we were still quite hopeful with good support that would pass. But we watched our happy, sensitive, creative, communicative child just become paralysed with anxiety, withdrawn and very, very unhappy. And as the years went on, things really did not get any better. He became more withdrawn.

7:33 · Speaker 2 He became impulsive, reckless and just had a real ambivalence and disregard for his own life. He started to use drugs and alcohol and along with that and with many folk with addiction came lies and deceit and a number of other behaviours. It was the summer a number of years ago, and one of my friends asked me things had been going on about nine years or so, sort of from the beginning of this. And she said, what is it you're really worried about happening now? And I remember saying, I'm really worried he's going to make a very bad choice someday and have some serious consequences. And lo and behold, six weeks later, that's exactly what happened. So from there he ended up going to the Christian Family Centre in Armoway where he spent five months and that was a turning point for him and I will be forever thankful for the counsel and support that he received during and after that time.

8:45 · Speaker 1 So can you share a little bit about how James's struggles impacted you personally as a parent?

8:54 · Speaker 2 So as I said, initially there seemed to be a lot that we could do, speak to school, get other people to help him. And yes, we absolutely hated seeing him like that and just the level of anxiety. And it was very hard to get that balance between helping him know that we were listening and that we were hearing him, but also encouraging him to do some of the things that we felt probably needed to still do would be helpful, helpful for him. And about a year and a half ago, Martha and I were just turned a corner to drive up our roads and James was walking down now and days gone by when James left the house, I should say he was doing okay at this stage. When James left the house, you never knew where he was going, what he was going to get up to, what the evening was going to pan out like. And I just remember feeling this knot in my stomach, a tightness in my chest, and a real sense of dread and unease. But what Monty actually felt it the same. What actually struck me about that was how familiar it felt, because really over those years, that's exactly how I felt most of the time, because we were always waiting, waiting for him to come home.

10:20 · Speaker 2 waiting for the next phone call, waiting for another trip to the emergency department. And there were other times where things seemed to improve a bit. we maybe started a new course or a job or something like that, but it never really lasted very long. So you were just kind of waiting for the next thing to go wrong. My friend pointed out to me that I was, during that time, I was always checking my phone with Live 360, which was great in some ways, but in other ways it was a nightmare. And every time it rang, I would have jumped. Things like holidays and Christmas and birthdays were very difficult. You wanted to keep things as normal as you could for Emma.

11:04 · Speaker 2 But if I'm honest, I just couldn't wait to get those times over with. Watching his peers move on every year to a new school year, go to uni, get jobs, all those things just felt very sad. If I'm honest, it was very difficult. You see, it was a reminder of all the hopes and dreams that you would have had for him. Family life wasn't what we had hoped. We wanted to keep things as normal as possible for Emma. We wanted to spend time with her. We wanted to celebrate her achievements and balancing them to tell her just for what was going on, what was appropriate for her age and not pretending that everything was okay.

11:54 · Speaker 2 During the years of addiction, that was particularly challenging because you want James to know that he's loved. You do want to show him grace at times. but you also know that he needs to bear the consequences of what's happening. And we find that particularly difficult, mostly because we knew how he thought and the disregard that he had for his own life and just how the consequences of things would look like for him in that moment. So, yeah, it was a hard time and we certainly didn't always get it right.

12:35 · Speaker 1 You can get a real sense of that as you share that. I suppose one of the questions that we chatted about was just this whole idea of what emotions do we wrestle with and the issue of feeling guilt or self-blame, was that ever a challenge for you?

12:51 · Speaker 2 Oh yes, very much so. I knew the words in Proverbs, train up a child in the way that he should go and he will not depart from it. And I knew the Old Testament stories of wayward children of David and Samuel and that and what the Lord thought of that. And I remember James as a lovely, wee, smiley baby that God had given us, the sensitive, somewhat shy, gentle boy. And yet look, where he was now. It was hard not to think, where had I gone wrong? What have I done? Were we too soft with him?

13:27 · Speaker 2 Were we too hard on him? Did we place too much expectation on him? And I worked in the mental health field, so surely I should have got this right, because you know what to do. You know, someone very kindly said to me one day, God is the perfect father, and yet the children of Israel still rebelled. But yes, there was an awful lot of wrestling. And Maddie read out a verse this morning, and it's a verse that has always made me think, search me O God, and know my heart, and know if there be any wicked way in me. We used to sing a song and I couldn't hardly even bring myself in the years gone by to bring that because I always thought that's a really big thing to ask God to do. That sounds scary.

14:20 · Speaker 2 But you know when you're faced with something like this, you can't help but examine your own heart and why you say things, why you do things. And of course we love James and of course it was about that. But you couldn't help think, or at times, what are other people thinking or the desire to control and the outcome essentially.

14:45 · Speaker 1 You mentioned that word control and obviously the loss of control, but what have you learned about control during this journey?

14:55 · Speaker 2 Well, the short answer to that is that it was a bigger issue for me than I realised. that I didn't have any and ultimately that it was God that was in control. Early on in this season, I was listening to a song one evening and I just had this image in my mind of James in Jesus' arms, Jesus walking with James and me walking, walking behind. And I'm not suggesting by that I was to have a completely hands-off approach. Of course, there's a responsibility to support and to guide and to protect. But actually what that looked like a lot of the time was me wanting to fix it, running around putting out fires, stopping fires from starting and running up ahead trying to figure out where we were going and what we would do next. And certainly in latter years, preventing, wanting to prevent those worst case scenarios was a big thing and we find that hard and certainly obviously chatted to James a lot about it over the years and he is thankful for a lot of the situations that we prevented and the things we did get him away from. But he would say at times, he probably felt a bit suffocated at times and I've no doubt that probably feels something.

16:29 · Speaker 2 So that was a very, very challenging time. But we were brought to a point where we couldn't fix, we couldn't protect and we couldn't influence the outcome. And that's what we were left with, that image of Jesus carrying James and us walking behind. It's very easy to say, but we were left with all we could do was pray and trust.

16:56 · Speaker 1 So can you share a little bit about, I suppose, what prayer looked like in that season? were you kind of like, it's the only thing that's left to do? How did that kind of unfold for you?

17:10 · Speaker 2 So I'm sure most of us turn to the Lord when we're struggling and things are bad and that was certainly the case here. And often it was what he could fix, what he thought James, what I thought would have given lots of good ideas about what I thought would be a good thing for him to do. But as the years went on and we became more desperate, things got worse and prayers did seem to go unanswered. How I prayed certainly changed. God began to reveal more of who he was and who it was I was actually praying to. There were many occasions when the prayers were desperate with lots of frustration and lots of wise. But he took me to scripture reminding me who he was. And just to give you a couple of examples of that.

18:07 · Speaker 2 The word restoration, you know, when I thought of James, it certainly seemed unlikely, I suppose, was the way I would have put it. And the outcome, as I've said, did not seem good. But there's first in Joel 2, 25, I will restore the years that Lucas have eaten. And I knew that was the God who I was praying to. And following him going to Armoi, he ended up in Portugal, of all places, for a couple of years at a Bible college there. And we were out visiting him one time and I remember just having a moment where I just looked around and thought, he's back in the classroom. He's having the opportunity to navigate those ups and downs of peer relationships. He's even serving in youth on a Friday night and taking part in summer mission team.

19:06 · Speaker 2 And he just thought of that, the Lord really did restore here the years that the locusts had eaten. And there was a lot of waiting, a lot of, as I've said, seemingly unanswered prayers, maybe just not answered the way I wanted or the timing that I wanted. So the words of Isaiah 55, 8 and 9 again were words I kept having to come back to. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as high as the heavens are higher than the earth, so were my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts your thoughts. This was the God he I trusted. He had it all. Often he took me to scripture to give me words to pray for James, and there's something very different about praying the words of scripture.

20:02 · Speaker 2 And one of those was in Psalms 91, again, another desperate time. And I was really doubting. I was just not doubting, but I just wasn't seeing evidence of restoration or all the things that I wanted. But when you read through that, Sam, it reminded me of a God who I could trust, a God who I could find refuge in, that he was present and faithful, and that he is a God who could protect. There's that interchange of me coming to God and him answering through scripture. But on that day, I was drawn mostly to the last couple of verses, mainly because of where we were at that time. And I'll read them out. I'll try and do it without getting emotional.

20:52 · Speaker 2 But because he loves me, says the Lord, I will rescue him. I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me and I will answer him. I will be with him in trouble. I will deliver him and honour him. With a long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation. Little did I know how important those words would come over the years, but they gave me words to pray for James and guidance of how to pray for James, that he would turn back, that he would call out on God, that he would be delivered, protected, and that the Lord would be with him in trouble. and rescue him and show him his salvation.

21:36 · Speaker 2 We've talked a lot about unanswered prayers and waiting, but also sometimes there was answers to very specific prayers and times where I think God knew not only had I reached my limit, I was probably beyond it. There was one time where we just really didn't know where to go with things and we were thinking about Teen Challenge. I don't know if any, I'm sure many of you have heard of it, it's a Christian organisation that offers residential places for people who have life controlling issues and we were thinking is this the stage that we're at? I had taken James to talk to the guy who headed up the Northern Ireland section here about 10 months previously It's probably one of my other efforts to get him to listen to somebody else. And I remember praying almost half jokingly, like if you could get me to run into Lee or get him to ring me or something, then I would know. And about less than a week, this number came up on my phone and it was Lee. And I bear in mind he'd only met him sort of once, 10 months previously, and I'll just never forget the words he said. I was just sitting praying this morning and I was thinking about the big lad and wondering how he was doing.

22:55 · Speaker 2 And it turned out that Teen Challenge wasn't for James. It became clear over that next couple of weeks. Was I disappointed? A wee bit. But equally, or more importantly, I knew that God had met me there when he knew I had reached my limit and given me some very clear, clear direction.

23:15 · Speaker 1 It's really interesting. Can you maybe expand a wee bit in the area of trust, what have you learned about trusting in all of this part of your journey?

23:24 · Speaker 2 So one of the parts of scripture that's always been really significant to me is Proverbs 3, 5 and 6. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight. I can remember the first time I came across that verse. I was 11 and it was in a card from my grandfather. I can still remember the card that had a big yellow chicken on the front of it and a sum of money in it, which was more than I'd ever had. that birth over the years always, I came back to time and time again, seeking the Lord's guidance on big decisions and just coming back time and time again.

24:13 · Speaker 2 I've also witnessed my parents turn to the Lord for guidance, but also learning to trust through a period of my mum's illness. And she subsequently died quite young. So I have had that foundation of watching my parents really trust through a difficult season. And it's good to look back from this viewpoint and I can see how the Lord answered prayers, how there's been a night working of his plan, how he spoke and the lessons learned. And yet when you're in the middle of it, it's a continual turning, asking for help, remembering who I am trusting and choosing to trust. A verse in Psalms 56.3 where it says, When I am afraid. I will trust. The words lean not on your own understanding became another part of this learning to trust because at times I depended on my own understanding of what I thought was best, what I thought would be the best outcome.

25:26 · Speaker 2 And there was other times when my own understanding, looking objectively at it, It just seemed impossible that James was going to be restored in any way. And then there were other times that you've heard where I couldn't lean on my own understanding. I just didn't, I just couldn't. And I would have turned to God and that because I just didn't know what to do. We had heard about a Bible college in Portugal, Monty had heard about it. And it was around the time where James was coming to the end of his time in Armoy. I was very worried about how things were going to be when they came home, back to the same situation, the same triggers, all those things that can be difficult. And we had heard about this, but we just thought, if it's of the Lord, we're going to just leave it and really pray that if it was, that James would hear from someone else.

26:25 · Speaker 2 And we went into Armoy up to visit him one Saturday in Armoy. And the first words he said to us, I think I might be going to Portugal. And it was just that moment of, yeah, God's still here and still working away. But as I mentioned, there was a time again where we could do nothing. And I am so thankful for the way God had brought us along, this teaching us to trust him. And that was actually a time of real wrestle too, because we were waiting on an outcome. We knew James had been restored to the Lord. And you've heard the words, even if, over these last few weeks, was I going to trust God even if, even if the outcome was not what we hoped or wanted?

27:19 · Speaker 2 And yet we had seen where God had been throughout it. So it's that next bit of the verse, isn't it, submitting? to God and trusting even in the midst of that, because it is the Lord who makes the path straight. Just back to that image of him walking with James in his arms and thankfully, things worked out well and he's still carrying James and getting people to support and encourage him. And second year at the Baptist College is just great. That's great.

27:59 · Speaker 1 So as we round up this morning, what would you say to parents who are currently maybe carrying fears and concerns and anxious thoughts and maybe heartache for their kids at this time?

28:14 · Speaker 2 I was very conscious as I was preparing this that there would be some folk in situations where the outcome is very, very uncertain. And there are also people where the even if has happened. And I can think back to a time I was chatting to someone about their child who'd come through something a bit similar, maybe not just quite as severe, but was doing great. Things had turned around and been really encouraged by that. But also I said this in first service of written thinking, but I know I actually said it. I did know them well, and I hope I said it a bit more graciously than this is going to sound. But I remember just saying, that's okay for you.

29:01 · Speaker 2 You've had your good outcome, and I don't know what mine is going to be. So I know this is a personal story, because God is a personal God. How he spoke, the scriptures he used, the lessons I had to learn. were what he knew that I needed. But they didn't come as a surprise to him. And he had some ways prepared me for this. There was that significant scripture in my life. And I suppose that's one thing I would say.

29:32 · Speaker 2 Many of us have those significant scriptures, don't we? How's the Lord used that? How's he still using that? But he also used other scripture to speak through. Because at the end of the day, he wants you to turn to him to pour your heart out. and he wants to speak, he wants to comfort and he wants you to find refuge in him. The other thing I was very thankful for was friends and family that I was able to be honest with because this is not something, this is something you tend to want to hide and not necessarily share. And we weren't going to share the detail with a lot of people.

30:15 · Speaker 2 But having people who listened, prayed, cried with me, and at times gently challenged me was invaluable. And it would have been much harder without that. And even just having normal conversations about normal life, rather than it not being all about me unburdening, and then feeling comfortable to share the good things in their life. So yeah, don't hide away. Have your trusted few, we are told. in church to bear each other's burdens. One morning I received a message from a friend who was a real prayer warrior and she just said, is everything okay with James? Because I woke in the middle of the night really burdened to pray for him and it had been an awful night.

31:03 · Speaker 2 I actually couldn't remember what had happened. I was talking to James about it, he remembered, but it had been a dreadful, dreadful night. But in that moment, just knowing that God was there, and not only that, he was using other people in my life to support through prayer, even though they didn't even know, what was going on.

31:26 · Speaker 1 Well, thank you so much, Debbie, for sharing with us so openly and so much vulnerability. Why don't you thank, Debbie? But, sorry, before you do that, you're going to introduce a song, aren't you? So the band are going to come back in. Neil forgot about that.

31:40 · Speaker 2 I could have had a list because songs were really important to me. So the one I've chosen is for his glory and our good. And there's just a wee verse, part of that verse that says, there's hope in every trial for I can trust the Lord. He will turn my heart towards him and help me bear the thorn. And I know that he is working for his glory and my good.

32:02 · Speaker 1 Let's thank.

32:13 · Speaker 3 Let's sound together. I see my Father's glory revealed in Jesus Christ And the more that I behold Him, the more He satisfies When I gaze upon His beauty When I see Him as I shine Then my eyes are lifted up For His glory and my good There is hope in every trial For I can trust the Lord He will turn my heart towards Him And help me bear the form So in faith I follow Jesus On the road not understood For I know that He is working For His glory and my good To our God be glory To our God be praise He alone The name above all days I will boast ever only in the Lord my God For I know His glory is my good open arms of Jesus upon the cross that they what they understood as sweetness serves my every grace so the charge that was against me I know that he has saved me for his glory glory to our God

34:49 · Speaker 3 the day above all name for I know his glory is my Would I gladly be made nothing That Christ would be made more Would I seek the only kingdom That far away is the mall I will stand before my father Where the faithful saints have stood And with joy my heart shall praise him For his glory and my good And with joy my heart shall praise him For his glory and my good the glory to our God Be praised He alone The name above all days I will boast ever only in the Lord my God For I know His glory is my the glory to our God Be praise he alone The name above all day I will hold Heavenly in the Lord my God For I know His glory is my good

37:07 · Speaker 3 Yes I know.

37:34 · Speaker 1 Well as we've listened to Debbie's story this morning, there's one scripture I'm sure you've recognized that quietly runs through almost everything we've heard. It's one of Debbie's favorite passages from Proverbs 3, 5 and 6. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean up on your understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. We're just going to walk quickly through this morning as we have done over the past mornings, just a short reflection. But those verses weren't just something Debbie discovered in the middle of a difficult season. They were verses that had been planted in her heart many years early as a young 11-year-old girl following the card that her grandfather gave her. And over the years, as she watched her parents live out the reality of those verses through hardship and loss, it meant that when life became confusing, those familiar verses became her anchor once again.

38:34 · Speaker 1 And isn't that how God so often works? He plants his word deep into our hearts long before we understand why we needed them. And throughout Debbie's story, every part of Proverbs 3 has quietly come to life. Trust in the Lord of all your heart. It sounds simple. until life becomes uncertain. It's one thing to trust God when everything is going well, when your children are young and life feels predictable. It's a totally different thing when anxiety enters your home, when prayers seem unanswered, when you begin carrying fears you never imagined you would ever face.

39:17 · Speaker 1 And Debbie spoke honestly about wanting to fix things, guide outcomes, prevent the worst from happening. And any parent that's here understand something of that instinct. We love so deeply, so naturally we want to protect, yet the hardest lesson parenting teaches us is we're not in control. And sometimes what begins as love quietly can become an attempt to try and control what only God can do. Fear whispers everything depends on you, and faith replies everything ultimately rests with God. Psalms 56, which Debbie mentioned, when I am afraid, I put my trust in you. Notice the Psalms doesn't say, when I am afraid, I stop being afraid. He says, when I am afraid.

40:10 · Speaker 1 Trust isn't the absence of fear. Trust is choosing where we place our fear. And in the whole challenge of leaning on our own understanding, as parents, grandparents, husbands, wives and friends, we naturally ask questions. Did I do anything wrong? How have we ended up here? Where do we go now? And sometimes there are answers and sometimes there aren't. But one of the things that struck me in Debbie's story was how her prayers changed.

40:43 · Speaker 1 At first, many of her prayers were about God changing James, fixing things. But over time, God began changing Debbie and he revealed more of who he was to her. confidence slowly shifted from wanting answers to knowing the one she was praying to. And isn't that often what happens in prayer? Sometimes the first thing God changes isn't our circumstance, but rather us. Debbie mentioned Isaiah 55, this whole idea that his thoughts are higher than our thoughts and his ways are higher than our ways. And trust doesn't mean pretending we understand. Trust means believing that God sees what we cannot.

41:32 · Speaker 1 And sometimes faith simply says, I don't understand. I don't know what happens next, but I know who you are, and I'm trusting you. And then, in all your ways, acknowledge him. What does it mean to acknowledge God when someone you love is struggling? It certainly doesn't mean incurring less, but it probably means trusting more. For a parent, it looks like continuing to pray, continuing to love, continuing to remain present, continuing to speak truth with grace. But ultimately, we cannot change another person's heart. That's God's work.

42:14 · Speaker 1 Paul reminds us in 1 Corinthians, I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. It's God that does the work of growth and change and transformation. And we're called to be faithful. But God is the one who brings that conviction, that repentance, that transformation, that renewal. And it's interesting listening to Debbie, how she reached that point where all she could do was entrust James to the Lord, who loved him even more than she did. And I think that may be one of the hardest acts of faith any parent is ever asked to make, handing their child over to the Lord and at the same time keeping to loving, praying and hoping, but knowing that God is the one who's ultimately looking after them. And then the final part, he makes your path straight. And perhaps this part of the Proverbs can be the most misunderstood part, because it isn't a promise that life will always unfold the way we hoped.

43:24 · Speaker 1 It isn't a promise of painless parenting. It isn't a promise that every difficult story will have the ending we long for. It's a promise that if we trust him and refuse to lean solely on our own understanding. Continuing to acknowledge him in all that we do, he faithfully directs our steps. He doesn't promise to show us the whole road, what's going to happen and the road ahead, but he promises to lead us one step at a time. Most of us would like a map, a roadmap. I know I would. Give me the blueprint.

43:57 · Speaker 1 Let me know how to get through this situation, what to say, what not to say. But the psalmist, I think, gives us that insight when he says, your word is a lamp for my feet and a light on my path. A lamp doesn't illuminate the whole journey. How often do we go so far down the road and cross so many bridges when we've no idea which bridge we're going to cross? The lamp illuminates just enough for the next step and the step after that. And that's often how God leads us. Looking back, I think Debbie clearly could see how the Lord was directing her path. And even when she couldn't recognize it at the time, he spoke through scripture.

44:42 · Speaker 1 He surrounded her with faithful friends. He sustained her when she had nothing left of her own. And he gently loosened her grip on the outcomes and taught her what it meant to trust him and his heart. The road wasn't straight because life was easy. The road was straight because through every twist and turn, God kept leading her towards himself. And perhaps something that we all need to hear this morning, God may not be changing the circumstances we are facing as quickly as we would like, but don't mistake his apparent silence for his absence. because God is always at work. What He starts, He promises to complete.

45:26 · Speaker 1 He's still leading, He's still working, He's still faithful. And even when you cannot see where the road is taking you, God goes before us. And as we come to the end of this Story Bearer series, it's worth having a quick look back. We've heard stories of dependence, we've heard stories of grief, we've heard stories of longing, and today we've heard about trusting God with those we love most. And the circumstances have all been different, yet every person who has shared their story here have done so for the same reason. Not because life has unfolded exactly as they hoped, not because they've done everything right, not because every prayer was answered quickly, not because every situation resolved. They've shared here because in the middle of real life, they have discovered that God was faithful and they are giving testimony to him. That doesn't mean that the story ends the way we hope.

46:29 · Speaker 1 Some of us are still waiting. Some of us are still grieving. Some of us are still carrying unanswered questions. Some of us may never receive the outcome we've longed for this side of heaven. Yet the invitation of the gospel has never been to trust God because we know how our story will end on this earth. Yes, we know ultimately that we will be with Him. But the invitation to trust Him because we know who He is, that has been the heartbeat of this whole series.

47:03 · Speaker 1 God meeting each individual in every season, but also God meets each one of us in whatever season we are in. And because the good news of the gospel isn't that followers of Jesus are spurred difficult seasons, the good news is that we never walk through them alone. And Debbie mentioned this, the even ifs. Even if healing doesn't come, even if waiting continues, even if outcomes aren't what we hope for, we still are called to trust him. And it isn't a question we answer once in life. It's a decision we make again and again in every season of life. Because our confidence has never and should never rest in a particular outcome. Our confidence rests in the character of God and what he has promised.

48:00 · Speaker 1 The God who sees, the God who listens, the God who is present, and the God who is faithful. We need to come closer to him and trust him. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, we want to thank you this morning so much for Debbie's honesty, courage, vulnerability, and sharing this part of her journey with you. Thank you that through every season of her family story, you have shown yourself to be faithful. Thank you that you are the God who sees us, who knows us, who's familiar with our ways, and walks with us through every season of our lives. This morning we pray for those who are carrying fear, anxiety, heartbreak for someone they love. Will you draw near to them today?

48:52 · Speaker 1 For those carrying guilt or shame, remind them that your grace is sufficient. For those waiting for prayers to be answered, help them to trust you even when they cannot see what you are doing. Father in heaven, teach us to live with open hands And help us to continue to love, pray and remain present while entrusting those we love to your care. Thank you that you love our children, our families, our friends, far more than we can ever try to love them. The greatest evidence that we can trust you this morning isn't that you always give us the outcome we want, it's that you have already given us your son. At the cross, we see that your love for us is beyond question. When we cannot understand your ways, we can still trust your heart. And so today, we place those we love into your hands once again.

49:51 · Speaker 1 Hold them, lead them, draw them to yourself, and give us the grace to keep trusting you one step a time. And we pray this in Jesus' mighty name. Amen.